Sermons

"The Discipline of Forgiveness"

Introduction
It seems ironic that the Gospel for the Sunday after September 11, 2001 contained Jesus’ admonition that we love our enemies and that the Gospel for today, the first Sunday after September 11, 2002, contains Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness. Love of enemy and forgiveness of those who do us harm – difficult words in light of the attacks and the ensuing questions regarding an appropriate response to the threat of terrorism.

Forgiveness - God and community

Today we focus on Jesus’ message of forgiveness – a message that is profoundly counter-cultural. For some, an eye for an eye seems to be the prevailing philosophy and justice means getting even, punishing the “evil one,” or seeking vengeance. Jesus makes clear that getting even or acting in a vengeful way are contrary to the Gospel.

Forgiveness is not indifference to wrong, permissiveness, or absence of ethical standards. Forgiveness takes the violator, the violated, and the violation very seriously. Forgiveness is the act of letting go, of moving from a place of anger and resentment to a place of love and peace. However, forgiveness is much more easily spoken about than enacted in our lives. Let us explore forgiveness this morning.

Jesus’ command that we forgive those who have harmed us is based on one fundamental truth – that we are a forgiven people. As Christians, God has forgiven and continues to forgive us for the pain and suffering that we cause. Despite our inadequacies, we stand before God as forgiven people. Part of the spiritual challenge is to accept this forgiveness, to live with the knowledge that God loves us and forgives us. Therefore, the abundance of God’s grace in forgiving us is the foundation of our understanding of Christian forgiveness.

Forgiveness is also central to our understanding of Christian community. Last week we talked about the power that exists when Christians share a common vision. We are the agents of God’s transforming work in our world. However, the power of God working in us is only as strong as our ability to live and work together. As a community, there are times when members hurt one another and when there is disagreement between members or groups of members. What happens in those moments of hurt or disagreement has a great deal to do with the effective ministry of the community. As I said last week, we have the power to bind or to loose, to hinder or to enable God’s work in and through us. Therefore, it is essential that we be a community of people who look beyond our differences, always willing to forgive and reconcile so that we can work together. Remember that God calls us not only to be a community of the forgiven but a community of the forgiving!

Let us set aside for the moment the issue of forgiveness as it pertains to Osama Bin Laden, Adolf Hitler, or any other person who has committed a particularly heinous crime against humanity. Think instead of someone close to you who you feel has sinned directly against you – a family member, a colleague, or another church member. Do you feel anger? Resentment? Do you hold a grudge? Have you forgiven them?

Reasons we do not or cannot forgive

I venture to say that all of us here today need to forgive someone for something. However, for several reasons, we are not always good at forgiving. One reason is that it is hard to forgive others if we have not forgiven ourselves. When we have unresolved personal conflicts in our lives, it is very difficult to feel the freedom necessary to forgive one who has harmed us.

A second reason is that anger and resentment feel so good. To forgive means, “to release from one’s grasp.” As long as we cling to our anger or resentment, we can maintain an air of self-righteousness, holding the other in the grasp of our anger. At times I have said: “Hey, I don’t want to forgive this person. It feels so good to hold a grudge. It makes me feel superior.” Yet, even if it feels good, the inability to forgive eats away at us, gnawing at us like a cancer that eventually destroys us.

A third reason that we do not forgive is that we are afraid to move on with our lives. Forgiveness is hard work. To forgive requires that we let go of the past and move towards the future – a future that can be uncertain and very different that the past or even the present. What will happen if I release this person from my grasp? What will happen if I no longer feel any power over this person?

A fourth reason is that sometimes we are afraid to confront the person who has hurt us. We do not want to make a fuss or deal directly with the issue. Instead, we gossip about them. We take every opportunity to criticize them to others. We act in destructive and nonproductive ways that only make the situation worse. It takes courage to forgive. It takes conviction. It takes hard work.

Steps towards forgiveness

Now what? You have identified someone who has wronged you. You have explored the reasons why you cannot or will not forgive them. If you want to move forward, you have to act. However, you cannot force forgiveness. You cannot will forgiveness. The best that you can do is to have an attitude of willingness – opening your heart to the possibility of forgiveness and perhaps reconciliation.

Once we reach that place of willingness, we can take steps that can lead to a place of forgiveness. First, pray for a greater awareness of God’s forgiveness of you. As I said earlier, it is easier to forgive once we have experienced forgiveness ourselves.

Second, examine whether or not you contributed to the problem or have perpetuated the situation. What role did you play in the wrongdoing? If your actions were or are hurtful, be prepared to change your actions and to ask forgiveness yourself.

Third, if you continue to be in a harmful situation, do what you can to remove yourself so that you will not be harmed again. In some cases, you may need help doing this. You may be locked into a destructive relationship. You may not see fully the negative implications of a particularly situation. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Come and see me if you think that it would help.

Fourth, allow yourself to feel anger towards the person who has wronged you. Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head on. Feel the pain. Express it to someone else. Write it down. Do not let it eat away at you. Allow yourself to heal.

Fifth, if possible or appropriate, discuss the problem honestly with the other person. In the case of abuse, it may not be possible to have that conversation. However, most of the time it is possible and important to work towards reconciliation. I am still not sure of the correlation of an offer to forgive and the acceptance of that forgiveness. However, I am sure that we can only be responsible for that over which we have control. Do your part and turn the rest over to God.

Sixth, get on with your life. If the person with whom you seek reconciliation does not welcome your efforts, do not try to force it. Recognize that you have done your best, release that person from your grasp, and move on with your life.

Conclusion

It is tempting to become sidetracked by the macro-issues of our time, such as how we could forgive terrorists and others who perpetrate evil in our world. However, the best thing that we can do for the world is to model Christian behavior in our communities – at home, at church, at work or school. Seek to forgive as God has forgiven you and I promise that you will live a more peaceful, content, and spiritually fulfilling life. Amen.